My last post was in May. It’s now August and we went through the process to get residential treatment for A and this time she was approved.
You are wondering what changed, right? Well, I called Children and Youth on myself as a neglectful parent. Basically I told them that I cannot meet her immediate needs. We cannot continue to parent this child who is so unstable, we need intensive help. A was released from inpatient treatment on June 9th. It was about two weeks later until we had to take her for a crisis assessment because she had created a homicidal plan against my mother. She very clearly laid this plan out to me and since then we don’t allow the 2 of them to be alone ever. As a result of crisis visit, she was referred to a day program. Five days a week for 3 weeks she went to a program for therapeutic school basically. This gave us a break and kept my mom safe. This program ended for her on July 30th. Her current diagnosis: Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD, Anxiety
While in the day program she began to self-harm in the form of picking (dermatillomania aka excoriation). She has begun to rub her hand with her fingers until there is a burn mark. Then she opens the wound and digs deep into it. Her hands look very gnarly. She has also begun to open her bug bites or any other skin blemishes. It’s tough to look at her in this state of bloody picking. She is not bothered by the blood and enjoys the taste of it. I cannot relate to these behaviors and my attempts to medicate her wounds or cover them just escalate her mood and picking.
The insurance case worker referred her to 10 programs. We learned on Friday that 2 programs denied her for unknown reasons. One program wanted some additional information and we provided that. We expect that today we might get word from the one program who wanted more info. Adults and child are all waiting with baited breath to see what will happen. Not knowing what is happening is a huge stressor. These are the days when schools are determining when to return and how and we don’t even know if she is going to her public school, therapeutic school, or no school until RTF placement. It’s such a weird head space to be in.
Meanwhile C and I are in therapy for traumatized parents. We found someone who really understands what we have been through. She is working with us individually to build up our coping skills and strengthen our parenting. Now that CYS is involved, there is a chance that if a therapeutic program fails her, she will go to a group home. We are no longer confident that we can continue this fight all the time. We are depressed, scared, overwhelmed, and generally feel like horrible humans.