I often reflect on how different friendships are now than 5 or 10 years ago. I have a much harder time meeting people that I want to sit down with and pour my heart out to. I also have a hard time finding people that share the same interests as I do or that want to participate in outings that don’t involve alcohol. What has changed?! When did I get old and boring?
What I really want in a friendship is someone to get coffee/tea with and talk about philosophy, intellectual things and our feelings. I said it, I want to have deeper friendships than talking about tv shows and our jobs. I don’t want acquaintance friendships. I want friends that I can call when my relative dies, who will offer me a hug and I know what they are saying without them saying anything. I do have some friends like this. Unfortunately my nearest and dearest are very far away from me. This is disheartening when I’m feeling lonely and just want a hug and chat. It’s been so long since I’ve had a genuine friend hug that I wouldn’t even know one if I got one.
It seems like when I find someone that I want to be friends with, I have a hard time letting them get to know me. Analyzing myself, I think that I do this because I’ve moved so much and I tend to be miserable once I leave people behind. Maybe I have some weird wall now that doesn’t make it easy to tell my stories. I’ll listen to potential new-friend stories all day but I’m hesitant to share my own. It’s a sad truth, really. I need to get better about sharing myself, then maybe it’d be easier to make friends in this adult world.