Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda

I had an eventful Mother’s Day weekend with C and my mother-in-law. If you’re just tuning in, we moved my MIL in with us February 2012. She is elderly with health issues and it’s easier having us take care of her than her living alone. We actually really enjoy each other and it’s nice not worrying about her being alone in New Hampshire. I think she has a great relationship with C, though they don’t really discuss their feelings or discuss family matters. MIL discusses family things with me more than with him. Once, when she was hospitalized, she was telling me the story of his coming out and how she felt about him being transitioning into a man. These are things they have never discussed. I feel like the daughter she never really had… and man is she a lot easier to get along with than my mother. So it’s a win-win.

A few years ago, I could have become a mom. It is so weird thinking about what could have been had that pregnancy made it. What would life be like now? What would Mother’s Day be like if I was actually a mother? It’s a lot easier now to think about the losses than it was at the time.  I don’t think you ever get over those incidences or forget the feelings of grief and despair. We just move along, adjusting our emotions, and evolving into tougher people. That’s life, right, just a series of readjustments?

In good news, as the days tick on we are getting closer to the next (first in over a year) cycle of trying-to-conceive. I expect that somewhere around Memorial Day we’ll be inseminating. Soon, right? It sure feels like it!

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