Week 1 Reflections

On Day 1, same-sex marriage became legal in Pennsylvania, where we live! It was such an emotionally charged day with setting up the dr appointment for this cycle and then getting this exciting news. I went to a rally after work with some of my coworkers. To hear the stories of the queer couples that initiated this legal battle was so moving. To see and hear what it meant to them, what it means to our community as a whole, was more than I have words for. We all sang “Lean on Me” and cried, it was beautiful! There was some hesitation that perhaps the governor would appeal the federal judge’s decision but the next day he said he wouldn’t. He affirmed his belief in the conservative Catholic tradition of one man-one woman but said he will not fight it. People were getting marriage licenses and after the 3 day wait, people began getting married 2 days ago! I am so full of happiness for all the queer couples who can now be legally wed. C and I have been blessed to be legally married due to his legal transition years ago and we are so thankful for that. It’s too bad that so many others have had to wait so long and are still waiting in many states and countries around the world.

Tonight I took the first dose of Clomid. If I remember correctly, the hot flashes and shitty sleep will kick in on Day 2. Joy of all joys, right?! I felt really intense about taking the first pills. This means we are really in the go. ACTUALLY ON THE GO! I’m readying my body to get pregnant, to grow a person. What the hell?!

It’s so terrifying and simultaneously exciting. When I hear a kid having a tantrum I’m so grateful that it’s not me. Is that awful? Will I love my kids and not think they are annoying and bothersome? That’s my worst fear- that I don’t love my child as I should, that I feel like my life is somehow not enough. I’m hoping this is all the pre-pregnancy scare and that I’m not an awful mother.

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3 thoughts on “Week 1 Reflections

  1. I spent my early childhood in Pennsylvania (Bethlehem), and it always had held a warm spot in my heart. I was very happy to hear the news. Congrats. 🙂

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