Things to know prior to arriving for this procedure: check that your insurance doesn’t need a referral for the procedure & surgery center, empty bladder, take 600mg Motrin 1 hour before your appt time.


After I was in my gown and hair net, I sat with a nice nurse who explained what was going to happen and to expect some period-like cramping during the procedure. Everything I had read online confirmed what she told me. The doctor spoke with me also confirming the procedure: water into the cervix to help it expand, scope into cervix, and then a few minutes of poking around. If they were too see anything unusual they’d want to biopsy it. I was calm and ready to get the show on the road.

I got into my comfy stirrups and my RE did an internal exam with her fingers. Then the usual speculum experience and POW queue the worst cramps of my life. The nurse and Dr reassured me this was normal and would be over quickly. It was only about 3 minutes, but an intense WAY WORSE than period cramps 3 minutes. Then it stopped and they let me catch my breath, I was crying and breathing hard.

She told me there was something on the bottom of my uterus and she wanted to remove it. She said we could do it right now or schedule I time to do it under anesthesia. Since I was already there and suffering I told her to go ahead. The nurse asked if I was sure because I had such a hard time with the scope. They said it would feel just like the scope, maybe a bit more cramping. For some reason, I wasn’t thinking about what the heck was inside me but about going on with the procedure. I instantly regretted going forward. The act of sucking the tissue out felt just as it sounds. My insides were being ripped out. I screamed, I kicked, I arched off the table, I was hysterical. Then it was over. It was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced, truly. The Dr sat by me until I was calm. She asked if I was feeling better and I told her “my insides aren’t being sucked out, I feel great” and she laughed. The after part is gross because all that water has to come out. Ew!

I’m now bleeding, slightly crampy still (it was way worse for the first few hours afterward) and they say it’s all normal. The nurse will call to check in tomorrow to be sure I’m not still bleeding or in pain. I hope I won’t be! Hopefully next week I’ll have the results of what the tissue is.

My advise, if they want to remove something from inside your uterus, get the anesthesia! If I could do it again, I’d definitely have taken more meds before I went in to the office. I’d also not go alone because getting calm and un-shaky enough to drive wasn’t easy.

Send happy thoughts that nothing bad comes from my tissue!


The Mommy Wars

I want to share two things that annoy me and that are EVERYWHERE on the internet (particularly over-shared on Facebook).

#1 – Articles about “What not to say to parents” Below are examples of the kind of pop culture news that drives me nuts. Articles from this point of view make it seem like anyone who is not a parent or who spouts things blindly is a piece of garbage. Parents are judged all day long by other parents for no reason than different parenting styles. Lots of times people don’t realize that they are crossing a personal line when they make comments, often times they actually think they are lightening the mood or making small talk. I think we can all benefit from not being so uptight and sensitive about people who are trying to compliment us, give us advise, or make us smile. 





#2 Articles about “what not to say to non-parents” Below are examples of this time of “news”. Many people do not have children by choice or because they have fertility or other issues that prevent pregnancy currently. This doesn’t mean we should be afraid to offer advice we think is helpful, attempting to connect with one another by asking” do you have children” or “when will you”. Most people make small talk with whomever is around and it happens even better if it is two women of “child bearing age”. We cannot help ourselves and must try to relate to the lady we’re talking to- about marriage/singledom/parenting/not parenting/jobs/the weather/etc. Saying these “inconsiderate” things shouldn’t make the speaker an awful friend or uncaring stranger. The fact that someone may not know you don’t want to discuss this topic is not anyone’s fault. It happens, we flinch, and move on with our day. The parents who are commenting on your not-parent status are not necessarily judging you but perhaps trying to give a real face to the struggle they have or are sharing their feelings of “shit why did I have kids” (that happens from time to time). 




Essentially all this “news” ends with the idea that the grass is greener. Parents want their child-free friends to know that parenting is not all goo-goo-ga-ga and photos, it’s difficult and emotionally draining. Parents have an all-day job to keep their life moving forward while helping a little person’s life also move forward. Child-free people want their parent friends to know that they are not sleeping in everyday, drinking every weekend, and living the fun life. They have jobs and responsibilities that are just as important even if they are not parenting responsibilities. The moral of this story is to be considerate of your friends and strangers. If you ask one question and it isn’t received well, don’t ask another. Perhaps I should advise you not to give unsolicited advice but that’s asking too much. Most folks just can’t help but say whatever they think will get a giggle or start a conversation. 

What do you think about these kind of “news” stories and the mommy wars? 

Surgery day

Today my love had “top surgery” – a double mastectomy with chest reconstruction and nipple placement. It was a long awaited step in his transition and the final medical intervention. No more surgeries! hurrah! From here on out it’ll just be hormones and vitamins and that is very exciting. Surgeries aren’t cheap you know.. especially ones that insurance companies will not touch. Right now he’s hanging out in the recliner enjoying the last bits of IV meds and anesthesia. He’ll be on super relaxed activities for the next week and then he can shower and do some light tasks, like walking, and lifting a gallon of milk.

I’m so excited for him to finally feel more comfortable in his body. In a few months his chest will look great, though still scarred. Once he can get around better he’ll be feeling like a million bucks. He won’t have to wear a binder or deal with the “gross boobs” as his nurse called them. What a relief to be in a body that feels completely yours, not like a foreign vessel you are stuck in. I am so proud of him for never being afraid to be himself and go to the lengths that make him feel happy and whole. 

I’m on nurse duty today, friends are coming over tomorrow while I work, and on Friday I’ll be on nurse duty before and after my hysteroscopy. I’m sure I’ll be a little crappy feeling for a bit but not so bad that I can’t assist him. This weekend will be full of relaxing and sleeping! 

Testing, testing

I’m having a hysteroscopy on Friday. The Dr wants it and I’m not one to object to anything that could be helpful. I’m nervous because my doctor said there was something on my old xray that hasn’t shown up on my ultrasound.

I’m extra anxious this week because C is having surgery on Wednesday so I’m all alone at my procedure. Boo. Somehow we’ll get through this crazy medical adventure we’re in.

TV can be a gateway

A few nights ago my niece told me she learned about my queerness from The Foster’s (ABC Family tv show). My sister used this show to educate her kids about gay people and families. I’m impressed, really. I don’t generally consider my sister to be very good at that kind of conversation. This may be because she was very put off by my gayness a decade ago. 

My niece remembers meeting my last serious girlfriend and she says she’s not judgmental. She is 13 years old, folks. She said “I don’t care who is gay as long as they don’t push it on me”. So I asked what does that phrase mean and she explained she doesn’t like seeing people kissing and making out and telling her she should be that way. Lol. I laugh because in her small Alabama town NO ONE gay is openly affectionate, no freaking way. That’s a death sentence (semi-dramatic, semi-serious statement). The only gay people she knows are my and one of my younger cousins, who is gay on occasion. She says there is a gay guy at her middle school also.. and he’s got “great fashion sense”. I hope she moves away when she’s older so she gets other experience than just tv and us.

I asked her what my sister told her about Uncle Cole and she said nothing. So I explained it like he is like the guy on Foster’s who was Callie’s roommate. She says “oh”. I ask her if she had any questions or wanted to talk about it. She said no and it’s not a big deal.

She’s such a smart kid and I love her to pieces. I hate the situation she’s growing up in. Her life is hard and I had that same experience as a youth. I hurt for her and that she can’t help her parents’ situation or where she grows up. I’m so glad she got to come visit and see something different than country town USA. 

Blood test

Same result. They said quit the crinone and call on day 1. Joy! At least my crotch finally gets a break from being poked daily. That’s the worst, lol.

I could be more upset but it’s actually ok. We have other things going on right now and this isn’t the end of the world. There’s always July or August to “get lucky”.


I’m starting to feel anxious now that my pregnancy test is 2 sleeps away! I haven’t even bought a test yet so I won’t be tempted to early test.
Unique body things: cramps off and on the entire 2ww, restlessness/difficulty sleeping, moody/weepy, and painful breasts. Hopefully this is all happening for a good reason.


My niece is visiting for the week, we just picked her up today. She lives in Alabama with my older sister and my nephew. She is 13 years old and talks non-stop. I am a chatter-box but there comes a time when I want to just relax and have quiet, alas, this is not going to be a quiet week. This is good though, I don’t have time to think about if I’m pregnant! We are testing on Wednesday morning – only 5 days away. In the mean time, we are going to go be Philly tourists, go to Franklin Institute, the Philadelphia Zoo and maybe see a castle. That’s gotta be enough to make this week fly by, right? 

Because everyone is symptom watching: I have had a few days of cramping off and on, more than usual tiredness, sore boobs, one episode of brownish discharge and a few mornings of nausea. Most of this can be attributed to the gross progesterone suppositories so who knows. I’m just trying to get through that yuckiness the best that I can.