Progress

Kids, the air feels clear at work!

The chief came down and met with us today, without our director present. She was really great at saying the hard things without specifically accusing anyone. People were given the chance to air their issues and why was our unit so dysfunctional. A lot of people felt they couldn’t trust their coworkers (me) or management. They mostly felt entitled to know why the person was fired, especially after it caused so much discord.
It ended with people, self included, saying we should have some kind of unity. We are so splintered that we can’t figure out how to work together. There was no suggestion of how to make that happen, just that it should. I think going forward there will be better communication about when people leave the office so it doesn’t feel so nuts.

A big bonus was several people apologized to me and I was able to give the full truth, in private, to two people. They were very apologetic and were really confused to why the fired person would lie to them about why she was fired. I told them about the text message and showed it to one person. They were very surprised and were unaware that had happened. Tomorrow I move offices and hopefully work life will get better.

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No energy

I don’t know what’s happening but my body hates me. I’m so exhausted every day. when I get home from work I have a headache and want to pass out. It’s hard to keep myself awake until a decent bed time. I wonder if it’s the antibiotics or Clomid. I’m usually not this whipped but I’m totally useless recently.

My love says maybe the headache is from the stress leaving my body when I leave the office. Who knows? I’m just hopeful that I have enough energy to get through the remainder of the work week!

In weird news, tonight was my last Clomid dose and I dropped one of the pills down the sink! I’m such a klutz. So I guess tonight is gonna be a 50mg kind of night. I hope this doesn’t effect our chances of conceiving. We go in Saturday to see how things look then IUI possibly Monday or Tuesday.

Things just stay the same

Not long after my last post.. maybe 30 minutes… I received a really crazy text message from a number that I did not know. It was saying “This is just the tip of the iceberg, good luck working in a unit where everyone despises you.” There was some name calling in there also but who wants to memorialize that? I turned the text in to my director and HR for them to handle. I also spoke with an attorney who has referred me to an employment attorney to get some advice on this. It’s officially become a hostile work environment for me. My director told me they are having another meeting with HR next week for them to address with my whole unit what’s going on. I have no idea what the plan is for this or how to go forward.

I need to contact the employment attorney to see what are my rights and protections. I don’t know how my office is going to handle all of the intimidation that I’m dealing with. My director said they are doing everything that they can to find out whose phone # sent that to me and who is orchestrating this whole mess. I can’t even begin to think of who is the mastermind.. oh yea.. my ex-coworker!

Ugh this has been so painful and frustrating. When I’m at work I’m torn between wanting to scream at everyone and wanting to sit in the corner and cry. I think I’m going to seek some counseling while all of this plays itself out.

How it all went down

I started my day with a visit to the RE for new cycle blood work, ultrasound, and talk possibilities. We’ve agreed to go ahead with this cycle. She saw no reason to postpone anything. We asked all of our questions about the antibiotics effecting our chances and what next after this cycle. Basically she says that once we have enough with the IUIs we talk IVF. There are other meds she could try but in the long run cost wise it would be very expensive. So do we go expensive meds for a while or go right to extensive IVF? This might involve robbing a bank, just saying.

Today we had our department staff meeting and the floor was open to anyone to discuss what has been going on. The only thing I said during this long meeting was “she told me she did something unethical that negatively effects the clients and she said she didn’t care because she is sticking it to the boss. If she bragged about that to anyone else you should have reported it too. What she did was wrong and it wasn’t easy.” I was speaking after people were accusing me of false allegations and breaking the chain of command. They didn’t name me but it was all in the words so I threw it out there. The discussion went crazy from that point. People were screaming at our boss for believing me, for not being transparent about why the girl was fired, for supporting a culture of gossip. Some people screamed, cried, and slammed doors as they walked out. There was so much tension and conflict. Some people apologized to me and said they didn’t know what happened and were going on half information. That was kind. One person actually spoke up for me and how hard me turning her in was but that I did the right thing. He told the whole staff he was disappointed in the childishness and couldn’t believe the things people were saying. Of course the two main gossipers did not say a word! Our director was mortified at how people treated her. Our direct supervisor, the victim, spoke about her awful treatment and how she hoped the next new hires would be different. Some felt better at the end and others felt I was lying and/or weren’t sure what to believe. I’m just glad it’s all out in the open and I don’t have to keep the truth secret.

I’m moving desks on July 31, I’m counting the days. It’ll be my last day with my awful coworker and the beginning of a not tense office and no faking nice. I can seclude myself from the bitches I don’t want to deal with. Huzzah!

Laughter is the best medicine

Today I found out what the gossip is. Supposedly my direct supervisor (the one victimized by my co-worker) recruited me to get my co-worker fired. I went to the head defender and said my co-worker was bad mouthing our supervisor. Then she was fired. Yep, that’s the story. I went to the big boss about her complaining so I could back up the evil boss.
I thought whatever she said was more interesting than this. So, I laugh. This confirms my co-workers are fucking idiots. Why do they think she’d get fired for griping? They are immature kids and now I feel justified. Ha ha ha. I work with imbeciles. At least she didn’t say awful things about me.

Anxiety

I should have been sleeping about 3 hours ago but my mind won’t shut off. I’m feeling so anxious about going to work tomorrow. Why is this keeping me up at night? My director sent an email late Thursday which most of us read on Friday that stated office gossip regarding my coworker’s dismissal would not be tolerated and to come to her with any questions. I thought it a nice gesture considering I’m feeling like my work environment is “hostile”. Friday morning the woman in the office next to mine was talking loudly on the phone about me. She is a loud talker and I don’t think she realized I was in the office because it was pre-9am. It was both frustrating to hear her talk about how I must be complaining to someone and funny because how would I even know I’m being gossiped about since no one is talking to me?! This weekend I got the guts to send a text to the one person in my office that I thought had my back and who is being the coldest to me. I simply said “We have been friends these past few months and your recent cold shoulder treatment has been hurtful. Will you discuss you reasons?” and I got no response. It was a big deal to even assert myself to ask her what’s going on in her mind because I usually just let friendships die once the other person is showing distance. I don’t know why I’m trying so hard for this one.

I made a plan that I will not even try small pleasantries this week. Last week I was kind and pleasant even when people ignored my eyes and walked away from me in the break room. I didn’t show frustration when my “friend” gave me the evil eye in the ladies room, I just said “hello” and went about washing my hands. This week I will not try the “kill them with kindness”. I am going to shut down and ignore them just as they have me. We can have equal rudeness and childishness if that’s how they want it. Some of these people are in their 60s for goodness sakes! We aren’t dealing solely with young people. I have thought of trying to get one of the key gossipers alone and tell them my side of the story so they can spread that around. It feels wrong any time there is only one story flying around and it’s being told by a recently fired, always disgruntled, former employee.

It’s so late and I wake up in about 5 hours. I think I might be taking a 1/2 sick day at this rate. I am not convinced that I can function on these few hours of sleep – assuming I ever fall asleep- in an already stressful environment. I need my strength right? haha.

Anyway, I started the antibiotics today and am trying to convince myself that I’m not permanently damaged though the forums on endometritus have a lot of participants who’ve had zero luck conceiving even after finishing the meds. Some end up with hysterectomies because the symptoms get worse and the bacteria won’t stay away. Folks, there is a real possibility that all my efforts have been for nothing and that’s so hard to wrap my head around with everything else going on.

13 days past IUI

We go for the blood test on Saturday (15 days past) and that’s okay with me. I had no intention of these 2 weeks breezing by like they have but honestly, work has sucked the life and relaxing energy out of me and before I knew it, here we were! I have not taken any home tests and I don’t plan to. We’ll just hang out and see what they tell us on Saturday. Meanwhile, today my BFF told me she’s pregnant with her 3rd. I am so excited because she was married last week to a really amazing guy that truly adores her. I couldn’t be happier that they are building a family together (she has 2 daughters and he has 1). Perhaps we’ll finally have kids the same age! lol, we’ll see how that pans out.

In work news.. today my director was back and sent an email to everyone about their office gossip. Let me tell you, folks, these past few days have been TORTURE for me. The other people in my unit are literally ignoring me. When I speak to them, they make evil faces and walk away from me. I’m not exaggerating, either. Face to face conversation is just not happening and it’s awful. Then someone came up to me to tell me that everyone was talking about me and what a “snitch” I am. One person even said “she should have thought about it before she snitched, she does have to continue to work with us.” What is that supposed to mean anyway? So I am primarily communicating with myself, not my officemate not anyone else in our unit, nada. I also spoke with my supervisor who was the victim of this fiasco and she hugged me and thanked me for being gutsy enough to say something. She is very glad that the situation didn’t drag out and that life can go back to normal. I also found out that I’m definitely moving to the general unit and that I’ll be moving offices to be with someone that actually isn’t ignoring me. Meanwhile, my officemate from hell and the town gossip will be moving into an office together. I couldn’t be happier to NOT have to share a room with both of them. I’m looking forward to some quiet and not tense office time. Imagine that!

Look for more info later this weekend!

Hostile uterus?

Catchy title, right?

Well, my uterus isn’t hostile but I do have endometritis. It’s chronic uterine inflammation, most commonly brought on by STDs, child birth/miscarriage/abortion, and mixture of vaginal bacteria. I know you were dying to know that. The RE says it’s nothing to worry about and “it’s not serious.” Well, it is serious because it generally results in infertility! If I’m not pregnant I have to start of a weird 2 week antibiotic. If I am pregnant, I suck it up and take antibiotics some time after birth. Other symptoms include weird pelvic pain and abnormal bleeding or discharge. Sometimes I have random pelvic pain but never bleeding or discharge.

I’m supposing this lingering infection is from miscarriage or IUIs. It says anything that passes through the cervix could be a contaminate. So that’s my professional opinion, ha ha. I’ll keep you posted on the antibiotics vs baby growing later this week!