Confession

I did not go out on Saturday day with C’s old coworker. He was very upset when I relayed this but he got over it. I did drag myself to the boss dinner and entertainment though. We were out past 11pm! What? I was so tired and had to finish my presentation when we got home.

I’m feeling extremely angry, it’s all boiling up inside. Every little thing is making me mad. Several people I know, not “friends”, are pregnant. All lesbian couples, all with similar struggles to ours. It pissed me off when I heard of it. If I had to see these people I’d have to squeeze my lips REAL tight so that I don’t yell at them for being “lucky” and evil Bitches. It’s not their fault that I can’t get pregnant but I blame them for reminding me of my failure to produce.  C said “I don’t know why we couldn’t get pregnant”. My response is “me”. It’s my body that’s failing to do what science is motivating it to, my body that denies “what it’s made to do”.  I need to get over this being about me but right now I just want tiny cry, scream, and wallow.

Fall is a busy time

Every weekend this month we’ve had a lot going on. Today we are supposed to get together with C’s old work friend and then tonight go putt-putting with his boss who is in town from England. I don’t want to do either. I’m on my period, I’m feeling very moody and I need time to prepare a presentation I’m giving tomorrow. I know it’s an asshole move to cancel 3hrs before you’re plans but I really don’t think I’m going. C is still asleep and doesn’t yet know I plan to skip the old coworker get together. I like his boss enough to go hang out tonight but I’m not interested in anything but laying in bed writing notes until 3pm.

I’m generally a social person but after so many busy weekends, working 5 days, I just don’t have any social energy left. Who knew I could experience this?

In other news, my dad is officially marrying his girlfriend of 17 years. We already consider her our step mom but I’m glad they’re making it official. The main reason isn’t love but necessity. Due to his illness, he needs excellent insurance. He has had it but two weeks ago his employer terminated coverage because he’s required to go on SSD now rather than his short term disability which allowed him to stay insured. So, after all these years they’ll get married. Of course, none of his grown kids will be there because I can’t afford to go back so soon. My brother and sister are too financially strapped to travel anywhere, ever. My brother is very upset by this marriage, he doesn’t think they really care for one another. My step mom was an evil woman when we were younger, mean to everyone in dad’s family. It’s taken a lot to move past things she said and did. He’s not over it yet. No one can make it any better for him, though, so he needs to suck it up. Lots of people thought his marriage was for the birds too. Ha ha

Have a great weekend!

Family Decisions

Last night my household sat down for a little chat about the future. We don’t have these very often and actually haven’t had one since my MIL moved in Feb 2013. I wanted to talk to her about our home buying intentions as well as bringing children into the home.The three of us fleshed out a one-year plan.

We are going to attempt to buy a house within the coming year. In theory we will move to a new house at the end of 2015 when our lease is up. This gives us ample time to pay down some bills, save some money, and find the perfect house to make a forever home! I’m glad that we have a timeline for accomplishing this because the idea of getting this going has been overwhelming.

We also included my MIL in our plans to begin foster parenting classes. This is the first time that we have discussed this with her. She was very receptive to our plan and is willing to love and welcome any child into our home. This was good to hear because I was particularly nervous about this. She isn’t always the most kid friendly old lady. I told her that we will start with foster care classes soon and in a few months we might have a little person at home with us. As a family, we all seemed on the same page with what this means for our little adult only household. MIL knows that she is a priority for us, we would never stop caring for her or doing things with/for her. I think she needed to hear that she won’t become a fly on the wall as our family grows.

Now, to get the ball rolling on foster classes!