I did not go out on Saturday day with C’s old coworker. He was very upset when I relayed this but he got over it. I did drag myself to the boss dinner and entertainment though. We were out past 11pm! What? I was so tired and had to finish my presentation when we got home.
I’m feeling extremely angry, it’s all boiling up inside. Every little thing is making me mad. Several people I know, not “friends”, are pregnant. All lesbian couples, all with similar struggles to ours. It pissed me off when I heard of it. If I had to see these people I’d have to squeeze my lips REAL tight so that I don’t yell at them for being “lucky” and evil Bitches. It’s not their fault that I can’t get pregnant but I blame them for reminding me of my failure to produce. C said “I don’t know why we couldn’t get pregnant”. My response is “me”. It’s my body that’s failing to do what science is motivating it to, my body that denies “what it’s made to do”. I need to get over this being about me but right now I just want tiny cry, scream, and wallow.