Comprehending the incomprehensible

There is work drama.. surprise!! My supervisor who has a bad reputation for being a hard-ass, judgemental, and for making every new person’s life hell is stepping down from her position. I don’t know the specifics but I get the idea that she was told she couldn’t do the direct supervision and she decided if she couldn’t do it all she’d demote herself. So, soon she will be just another social worker in the unit.. after 15yrs as a supervisor! She says she is looking forward to having a lighter caseload and being one of us. I’m nervous. I’m extremely uncomfortable with my supervisor becoming my coworker. I don’t even know in what world she’ll fit in as “one of us.”

Today they started interviewing internal candidates. Two of the head bullies applied. This is also very stressful as both of them do not have any love for me since the 2014 summer drama went down. They were leaders in the “Billi should not be ethical” movement and said some really awful things to and about me. I am seriously thinking that I will be job hunting if either of them becomes my supervisor. I can’t imagine either of them will be professional enough to not bring all of their gossipy negativeness into the position. One of these women actually moved to a different unit after the summer drama, telling our director (supervisor’s boss) to her face “I could do a much better job at this than you.” Please let us hire an external candidate, that’d be great!

I am in need of no stress during my delicate time, this is not helping.


The good part

I had the most painful IUI ever! Just wanted to get that out of the way. 4hrs later I’m finally done cramping and bleeding. I thought I couldn’t walk for a while.

I hate waiting 45 minutes for them to get the sperm thawed. I hate it! What good is an appointment time if you’re still going to be there way longer?!

Ok, ok. Griping is completed.

We had 80 million sperm (best count of any donor to date) and 50% motility. Not bad numbers. My Dr was indisposed so I had a Dr who is new to the practice. This guy was hysterical and really tried to get me to relax while my whole body cramped up. Afterward he joked with me that he knew I was pregnant already “we make a good team.” He he. Time will tell if he is correct.

For the first time in years they didn’t prescribe progesterone for me. Hallelujah. I’m going in next Monday for blood work to see how things are going. I guess they’ll make a decision then. This is new, the one week blood work. Had any other iui patients had this?

If I’m preggo we’ll find out on Easter and have an almost Christmas baby. It’s a sign!

Day 12 check in

Today’s blood work looks great. Estrogen 190 (I’m usually 300s at this stage), progesterone .2, and LH is 9.1 This is all well paired with my 24mm and 19mm follicles on my left side.

I absolutely love my RE. She’s funny and smart and makes the appointments so worth while. I love it when she’s the weekend Dr, it’s like I’m always in her care, which is awesome. I have only had other Doctors in her practice 3 times in all of our years together.

I’m triggering tonight and insemination on Monday at 7am!

St. Patrick’s Day Shenanigans

This is my first clown year, 2012. I liked the red hair and the weather was great! Also pretty great makeup.


This is me with the St.Patrick’s Day leprechaun in 2013, so much fun


This is me with the hubby and our friend before the St.Patrick’s Day parade 2015. I like this clown makeup better than the previous year.


My college professor 10yrs ago started an Honors Civic Engagement class and part of the class is that the students become clowns and perform at various venues. It’s a really great program from what I hear. He and I have remained friends since I graduated forever ago. He now brings his students to Philly for Alternative Spring Break and they present an anti-bully clown show to local elementary schools. They also walk in the yearly St. Patrick’s parade. They have graciously included me, bought my costume, and do my makeup each year that I participate.

I think this is my last year, my costume is getting a little tight on the boobs. I suppose I could lose some weight and that would solve it but WOW, I am no spring chicken! Being in the 30 degree weather for 5 hours was awful, no sleeves, and having to pretend happy when all I want is a heated blanket and some cocoa is not easy. haha.  Who knows, maybe we’ll have a munchkin and won’t be strapping him/her on for these long walks anyway. *fingers crossed*

We’re on track

Today I went in for cd3 ultrasound and bloodwork. Everything was fine, nothing to be worried about this early. Tomorrow I’ll start the femara/letrozole. Woot. We have settled on a new donor and need to order the samples tonight.
Next adventure is March 21 for ultrasound and bloodwork again. Joy!

Hair Evolution


Photos from top left: Aug 2013, Dec 2013, Mar 2014, May 2014                                                          bottom left: Aug 2014, Sep 2014, Dec 2014, Feb 2015

I had the GREATEST pixie cut for 2 years. I went through a “I’m going to be 30 and need to go short” panic attack. I LOVED IT. But there are drawbacks to the short style. Namely, I was mistaken for a guy during winter when I was all bundled up. I also feel like I have a chubby face and that short hair made my chubby cheeks and neck stand out more. I’m no fashionista and felt that I was not the best at accessorizing so I felt “naked” often. This is particularly true when I was wearing shirts with lower neckline that show cleavage. It is hard to explain that feeling unless you’ve been there. I don’t have pierced ears so I couldn’t wear dangly earrings to feel the void and I tend to not wear scarfs which I hear are great for filling the void.

The growing out process is not easy. I kept the same hairline in the back all along. It was taking forever to grow out the bangs and top layer to a styleable thing. Once I made it to Sep 2014 I was willing to start growing the back into more layers so that I can style that. It’s currently at a great length and I don’t have to wash it daily but it must be styled. I do not have the kind of hair that will be okay if I don’t curl or straighten it. It does this AWFUL not really wavy thing and looks oily and gross if not styled. When it was shorter, I woke up later and took a shower, put a pinch of gel in my hair and then I was out the door. I miss it but I’m also starting to enjoy the longer hair. I hate the time it takes to fix but love the feel of hair on my face. I’m sure there is a happy hair balance but I don’t know.

My least favorite hair styles were Jan-Aug 2014. Can you imagine how it feels to generally feel like your hair is freaking disaster for that long?! Feeling attractive again is lovely. Now if only I can lose some pounds and the double chin there might be hope for me!