Tuesday check in

This morning I went for my progesterone blood work. Results are progesterone is low. I have to start the awful vaginal supplements tonight. I could cry just thinking about it. To be honest, I have a very sensitive area and these supplements really mess with my body. I am particularly frustrated by this because I am flying to Alabama on Thursday and won’t be home until Monday. This means being out of my comfort zone with goo and discomfort and no one to say “it’ll be okay.” 😦

Good news is, I can tell myself that the progesterone is low because I’m pregnant and don’t know it yet. haha. The pregnancy cycle in 2011 my progesterone was very low and we started supplements. So, perhaps this is some sort of early sign that my body is doing something.. or I can tell myself that to keep my spirits up. On Tuesday, May 5th I go in for pregnancy test blood work. Hopefully it’ll be a positive and I’ll be suffering these supplements for many more weeks to come. It’s worth it though, I complain but damn if it keeps something happening in there, I’ll do it

I am going to AL to spend some time with my parents and siblings. My dad is coming up from FL so I’ll get to see him, my stepmom, and my little brother as well as all of my siblings! Can’t beat that with a stick. We’ll have a nice weekend with our southern accents and fried food and pretend we all love each other. Isn’t that what all families do? It’s really not that bad, we are a loud, fun bunch and when we are together we forget about all the things we may not like about one another (cough.racist homophobes.cough). I’m going solo which makes me a little sad but it’ll be okay. C will remain behind with his mom and the pups and keep things going here. I hope we get to take some kind of trip together this summer. We haven’t been on vacation in over a year.

Friday finally

The last 3 days were really hard. I was sucked into a client situation that can only be described as “emotional vampire.” It wouldn’t end and there were new things to deal with every day. I’m finally decompressing.
This weekend I’m determined to let it go, not dwell on it, and prepare myself for new ventures on Monday. Oi vey. one adventure ends and another begins.

I’m being more open about my fertility issues with anyone that asks. Rather than skirt away from comments about us having kids, I’m being real about the struggle. No sugar coat or shaming here. For years we’ve kept everything private from our real life acquaintances. We’re out there now. It’s kind of a relief. who knew I’d feel so liberated?!

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What a day

I’m sitting in a crisis response center with an attorney and a client. I think that says it all.

It’s the first time I’ve had to go this route with a client. I feel sad for him and I hope at the end of this day he is somewhat better (calm, clear mind, not suicidal). He has had an awful day, lots of bad news, and we seem to be all that he has who care about him.

Selfishly, I hope we aren’t here all night.

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The big reveal

I know you have been waiting all day to hear about how my insemination went today. Let’s start at the beginning..

On a usual IUI morning our schedule is leave: leave  home by 6:30 for a 7-7:30am appointment. Wait 45+ minutes for IUI and barely get to work by 9am. We’re fine with this, we are accustomed to it. That’s the usual, now here it was really happened. We left the house at 6:30am for a 7:45 appointment because I wanted to get their early. The dethaw time takes forever and I didn’t want to be there until 10am. We arrived at the clinic at 7:15am! We sign in and sit down to read Cooking Light magazine. About 20 minutes later a very distressed nurse comes over to us and whispers something to the effect of “there is a problem.” I can’t hear what she’s saying because I’m thinking of worst case scenarios and C thinks she’s telling us that our last vial of sperm has somehow been destroyed. They had unfortunately not shipped my vial to my regular office after my weekend appointment. I could wait and come back in the afternoon when they received it or drive over an hour in 8am traffic to a far away location to get inseminated. We decided to for the insemination at the other office.

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This rainbow was seen along our travels

We both called out for the morning hours and got in the car. It took 1.5hrs to get to th

e clinic due to an accident, red lights, and general crappy morning commute issues. They were so apologetic and said it would be about 10 minutes until they were ready for us. They had already thawed the sperm when they heard we were on the way. How kind of them! They had free cookies so we ate some cookies while we waited. I also had a really upset stomach this morning and was feeling very anxious about this whole ordeal. Typical me kept laughing about it because being upset really wouldn’t help anything. Our regular doctor was in which made me happy! The best news was that our sample was MORE THAN 100 million! That’s the highest sample we’ve had. The motility was 50% so nothing to worry about there. The IUI itself hurt a lot, just like the last one. I don’t understand why they’re getting more painful as I get older. I have been crampy and “full” feeling all day but no bleeding like last month. Yahoo. We were both at work by 11:30am and our day went mostly well from there!

Here we are with our cute lucky sheep. This sheep was with me at our first ever IUI at the asshole fertility clinic in Alabama. My how times have changed!

bcsheep2010sheepThis is Mr. Sheep at my first ever IUI back in 2010.

Natural surge

The nurse just called and it’s go time. I’m surging on my own, woohoo!

Tomorrow morning I go in for insemination.

My left follicle from Saturday shrunk to 13 and my right only grew a small amount to 23. The RE said I had a beautiful layer of mucus, he even took a photo of it. My endometrial lining was 11. All signs are good for achieving pregnancy.

Am I going to get pregnant during natural infertility week?!

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Hope

Today I received the sweetest text message from my dear blog friend (who is a real life friend though we have never met). She sent me a photo of herself at the Texas Walk of Hope sponsored by Resolve. Her message “today I’m walking for you.”

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I showed it to C and he teared up with me. I think one of the sweetest things anyone could do is support someone in the way she always supports me. She suffered infertility also and did achieve pregnancy and has the cutest one year old son. I’m so proud to know her. She cheers on, she understands the struggle, and she doesn’t say the stupid shit that people say that they think is comforting but really isn’t.

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Why aren’t there more Walks like this? I’ve never heard of it outside of Texas.. But I haven’t spent time googling it either. I hope we all survive Infertility Awareness week with happy hearts and hope for the future.

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Day 10 check in

Nothing exciting to report. Blood work was fine, nothing to very excited over. I had one right follicle at 21 and one left at 15.6.
I go back on Monday for day 12 blood work and hopefully I’ll be close to ovulation. This is a busy week, especially Wednesday, and with our luck Wednesday will be insemination day. Geez!

Yesterday a friend asked what the main cause of infertility is. I wasn’t sure but today I found this at the RE office.

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So now you know. It’s the ladies tubes our the male factor infertility MOST of the time. Those of us with unexplained infertility are in the minority which surprised me.

On the flip side of this chart are the facts about IVF. As long as I’ve been reading fertility blogs and struggling, I thought I knew it all. I actually learned a few things. I’m sure if/when we get to the IVF stage we will hear all the facts and medical terms for everything involved. They gave us so much paperwork at the consult when she suggested we go that route. I haven’t looked at it. It’s overwhelming and perhaps I’m in denial until we are really going that road.

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Strange things happen

Yesterday I treated myself to the once a week sweet treat at Dunkin Donuts. The morning seemed so normal and then it took a different turn. As I was in line there was a panhandler who was in the store asking people for change. He was unsuccessful and getting irritated. Outside of the store was a panhandler who is there every day. This fellow is in a wheelchair and not an aggressive fellow, unlike the guy in the store. While I’m getting my drink there is a ruckus outside and the aggressive guy has pushed over the guy in the wheelchair and is screaming “I’m not a faggot.” Some bystanders help the guy get back in his chair and the mean guy leaves the block. I get my drink and head outside. I check in with the guy in the chair to be sure he’s collected his belongings and let him know that the police have been called by the store staff. I asked him if he had ever seen the angry guy and he says no.

When I turn around the offender has returned and is talking to me “You won’t even help me,” “You think I’m a faggot,” and other strange things. I told him that I didn’t think anything about him and that I was not going to financially assist him. I alsos advised him to stop picking on the guy in the wheelchair. He was getting really upset and kept going on about how everyone thinks he’s a faggot but he doesn’t look like one. I told him again that was none of my business anyway. And then he hit me. I have no idea what he hit me with but it happened so fast that I fell. He hit me on the back of my right thigh with a hard, heavy object. Then he started hitting on the guy in the wheelchair and knocked him down beside me. A construction worker nearby came over and started screaming at the guy to leave us alone and get out of there and he left. He kept screaming “fuck you and the white bitch” as he left the scene. A bystander helped me get the guy back in his wheelchair, get his clothes arranged again, and pick up his belongings. And then the police arrived.

They were very considerate to start with and asked what happened. We gave all the relevant information about what happened with the fellow. The officers asked the other victim for his identification and he had none. They did not ask me for identification. This is bothersome to me that we were treated differently. This simple interaction made the guy in the chair not willing to go to the detective division and give a statement. He didn’t want to make a big deal out of it even though he had cuts and scrapes from the 2 falls he’d had. The officers were telling me the guy was likely mentally ill and did I want to go through that kind of prosecution. I reminded them who I work for and that yes, when they pick the guy up I can go make a statement and verify his identity. This offender clearly had some mental health issues and needs to be connected with care. If he has to get arrested to get some help, that isn’t an entirely awful thing. There is a good change his mental illness could get treated and charges dropped. The officers did not contact me yesterday so I’m pretty sure that they have no intention of actually finding the offender. That is kind of frustrating.

I am fine. I had a welt on the back of my leg yesterday and it’s tender today but no bruise or anything to be concerned about. I’m more surprised that it happened than anything else. I’m also very concerned for the guy in the wheelchair who probably gets victimized more than I want to think about. I hope that the offender calmed down yesterday before he seriously hurt someone else or someone hurt him. It’s a brutal world out there and I hope he survives this struggle.

The facts of the matter

It’s a fact that we are in the final IUI cycle of my great big plan for becoming pregnant. It’s very strange to think of this as the end. For all intents this could truly be the end of my journey to become a biological parent. That’s hard. Re-read that sentence. The end.

We are not willing to take out credit for IVF. We have a savings plan that could result in IVF in late 2016 or 2017. I’ll be 33-34 then, that feels ancient sometimes. We are in the house hunting stage and will be moving by the end of the year and taking out any loans would not look good before getting a mortgage. Oh, the choices we make! If only money was growing on trees.

I’m cd5 and taking femara/letrozole again. So far so good. I go back on Saturday to check in. IUI will probably be the 23rd if all looks well. Let’s hope we hit the pregnancy jackpot and it’s smooth sailing!

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