In packing for the move in ten days I cleared out all of the maybe-baby items. I’m not storing it, I donated it all to the community donation pile in the apartment. I don’t need books by Mayo about healthy pregnancy or Bringing Up Baby. I don’t need the kind little “good luck” gifts that people gave us over the years. I shredded or threw out all of the IVF material from our fertility clinic.
The other day C and I read a friend’s blog where she wrote about when people ask her about living “child-free.” One thing that stands out is her feeling that if they had kids it would have been ok but they never got pregnant and that’s ok too. Side note: These people are heterosexual and have never actively tried to get pregnant or used birth control. It just hasn’t happened. They are happy! We are happy!
I think it’s okay, finally. I wanted it and we were going to try ivf but I don’t want any more medical crap. I say that all the time because something is always wrong with me! I’ve subtly come to stop daydreaming and hoping for a miracle baby. We are happy and lucky to have such a good life. I’m paying more attention to the blessings in my life and less to the “What could have been.”
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