Crafts and coming out

We have a friend that we love very much. Said friend will be taking photos for us later this week when we are in Tennessee. We have been figuring out our props and what we are looking for in the foster to adopt photo shoot. We decided to go with some cheesy announcement type things and some solo and couple shots. She’s a great photographer and I’m excited to see what we create together! This photo is our “puzzle”  that C created. Most likely you readers will see the photos sooner than anyone in real life as I don’t plan to tell outsiders, aka relatives, until we are in the final classes in July. 

Speaking of coming out to relatives about our foster-to-adopt plans..when do we tell our family development coordinator that we aren’t a straight couple? There isn’t a box to check on any of the paperwork and I don’t know when to spill it. Perhaps during our first in-person meeting? I wish there had been a place on the forms but oh well. On the websites that have child profiles several children listed themselves as ok with two moms or dads but none mention lesbian-trans parents. Perhaps we are that unique? What if kids think we are weird? Do we tell them from the beginning that I’m not a hetero woman but that C is a hetero transman? So many questions! We tend to only be out to our friends and not to our colleagues so we aren’t familiar with telling strangers our status. 

What would you do?

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11 thoughts on “Crafts and coming out

  1. During your first in person meeting you’ll go over how you got to this point. That’s when you’ll disclose any info you think is relevant. As for the kids it’s probably not something you’ll want to disclose right away. Letting them get to know you before you disclose might make transition easier. Some kids will come to you angry and will use anything they can to get under your skin. They will try and make being trans or lgbt the reason they’re unhappy. They may even use it to pit their birth family against you. Unless they’re staying for awhile it might not be something you’ll want to disclose. But of course it’s 100% up to you and only you will know the temperament of each child that comes and goes through your home.

    I’m always here for you. *hugs*

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  2. I love your puzzle piece prop! So sweet. I really have no insight as to the trans disclosure, but I think it’s probably in your best interest to have a conversation with the coordinator about it when you feel like an opportunity presents itself. It might be beneficial to all of you–maybe there’s a kid out there in the system who’s struggling with gender identity and could really use a couple like you in their lives.

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    1. You are exactly right! We found a child on the statewide system who identified at trans and before we knew it he was removed so I hope he found a good home.
      We got the call today to set up the first home visit so I’m hoping it comes up sooner rather than later.

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  3. I’d disclose to the coordinator early on (even though I have some serious issues with whether you HAVE to disclose at all…I think it should be entirely your choice). I would not disclose to a potential match until you’re really getting to know each other well – talking about other relevant personal and family history. It’s tricky because you don’t want them to feel misled, but you also want to give them a chance to get to know YOU before having to reconcile your current selves with former selves.

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    1. Very good points. We want to disclose so that when they background check C they aren’t wondering what he was doing the first 32 years before he technically existed on paper..and I don’t want to deal with one of our references or other people mentioning it before we do. We would absolutely want our kids to know. Probably when we get to the point of adoption, we will tell them but not during the dating stage. I think it’ll depend on their age too. So many things to consider!

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  4. MamaSoto

    Like Molly, I don’t have any specific words of wisdom from experience, but I so admire you for pursuing foster care and adoption. It takes a very strong person and more brave souls like you are needed.

    Liked by 1 person

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