When will it stop

I am really stressed out about this whole parenting thing and we aren’t even doing it yet! I may be overloading myself on websites and literature related to foster care, adoption, and parenting the traumatized child. The logistics of day care/school, the general rules for when to introduce new people into a foster kids life, and how to prepare are home are a bit overwhelming. I wish I could shut my brain off and tackle one mind-stresser at a time. I tend to dive into new knowledge and then overthink it.

When we were trying to get pregnant I read so much about how to get and stay pregnant. I started blogging to connect with a community I hoped to one day be part of. Most of the people who were ttc when I was, have toddlers now or are newly pregnant. I can’t think of a single blog friend who “gave up” and is childfree by choice or switched gears to adoption. I have newer blog friends who went the infertility route before exploring foster care or adoption but we didn’t take this walk together. I have friends (shout out to you) who were ttc for some of the time that we were and who went the adoption route years before we even had a serious conversation about it. Family building is stressful and intense and a solo ride for the most part. At least that is how it feels right this minute. We don’t know anyone else who is in this transition. So I drown myself in books and try to relate to the stories. Speaking of books…

Billi Cole 7

We have our next visit with the social worker on Monday at 9am. It should be okay. We will be discussing our parents and marriage. I think I’m as mentally prepared as I possibly can be for these conversations. What’s the worst that can  happen? We end up crying about our own traumatic upbringing? It’s unlikely that she will “fail” us. haha.

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20 thoughts on “When will it stop

  1. MamaSoto

    You are so right. This whole process is so isolating- even with online friends and real life friends who are doing some version of what you are doing. Its all so individual and emotional, which makes it hard to feel like anyone else really gets it. Books are my go to as well. I could create a mini library with all my books on the subject of parenting! lol! Anyway, I just wanted to say that I’m listening and am glad you are still blogging. P.s. you and your hubby are so cute!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think your comment about isolating is spot on – I found it so surprising that when we told people we were adopting I still felt so incredibly isolated from others who had families the “traditional” way.  Honestly, I still do – I do not participate in conversations about breastfeeding or pregnancy/delivery or conversations about “your son has your eyes”, etc. And no-one understands the home study process or the match process so those experiences are also rarely talked about.  It’s definitely not always easy being outside of the norm.  
    Also, I have to add that I think your photos are wonderful! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for commenting. I don’t even think I realized it could be isolating until I was writing this out earlier. There are very few people in our real life who understand the process and struggle of anything other than “have sex and get pregnant” or the minimal fertility interventions LGBT couples.
      I think our photographer was pretty creative with our photos. Thanks!

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thanks for commenting. I don’t even think I realized it could be isolating until I was writing this out earlier. There are very few people in our real life who understand the process and struggle of anything other than “have sex and get pregnant” or the minimal fertility interventions LGBT couples.
      I think our photographer was pretty creative with our photos. Thanks! II

      Liked by 1 person

  3. So excited for you! You guys are great humans and because of that you will be great parents to any kiddo who comes your way. There us no way to anticipate what they may be or need, just as with a brand new babe. Be approachable (and you already are) and let the kids guide you. You’ll be great

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You guys are such a cute couple!! I read a thousand and a half books on pregnancy and parenting and if I had been fostering to adopt I would have read two thousand and a half. It’s not something we tend to learn how to do by example (unless we ourselves went through the foster system), so it makes sense to me to do your research. However, I also feel for you because all that research can be really overwhelming and exhausting.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Love the photo shoot! Good luck with the interview, im sure theyve heard every story out there so i wouldnt wory too much about it! Ive been reading books and blogs and pinterest articles since before my wife was even pregnant. Recently a friend suggested i stop….stop reading?! Yes, it gets overwhelming at times but no way am i gonna stop!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve honestly found reddit’s infertility communities to be much more helpful in dealing with infertility than the blogsophere.

    There’s no symptom spotting insanity, there’s no “oh, just keep trying harder” or “this diet will get you pregnant” nonsense. There are sibling communities for people who adopt, people who decide to be childfree, and people who wind up achieving pregnancy, none of the options ever treated as inherently better than any of the others.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m late to the party but just want you to know that I’m excited to be following your journey. You’re so right that family building is TOUGH. And while each journey is unique, there are definitely some common themes that emerge. My guess is that while we will always have the experience (and baggage?) of our own journeys, once becoming parents, the stories will look a lot more similar. I can’t wait to hear more about the little one(s) that become part of your family!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi Curious B. I’m glad I found your blog. Having been a mom to an adopted son (now 18 yrs old, adopted at age 6), to a bio daughter (almost 16) and to 10 sons and daughters through foster care (ages range from 4-14), I must admit that I still read up on parenting. Because each child is unique, each stage they go through in life is different, because the situations change, and I myself am constantly evolving (hopefully for the better ;).
    With that said, if reading is stressing you out, it’s time to put down the book and shift gears for a bit. It’s ok not to know everything. No parent ever does. All parents learn as they go. All parents make mistakes.
    If you feel that you still want to prepare – here are some fun ideas to relax. Go explore the local parks and see which ones suit you. Check out programs for kids – such as a children’s theatre or zoo program. Browse local stores to start getting a sense of where to buy clothes for different ages at prices you want to pay. Go to garage sales, buy some old bunk beds and spray paint them to help prepare a room for your child-to-be.
    Your journey is your own and I hope you find many friends along the way. However, I am licensed to foster and to adopt, so perhaps we could support each other?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for this lovely comment that warmed my heart. I’m still feeling a bit anxious but this helps. I really should follow your instructions to find the awesome places in our area! I needed that push. Thank you. Yes, I’m going to follow your blog now!

      Like

  9. artbyaisya

    Good luck to you! I’ve always admired those strong people who are capable of the foster/adopt. I don’t feel like my heart is strong enough for it so we’ve ruled that out. I do feel the isolation and loneliness in the TTC portion though! I hope you find some comfort and support! Goodness knows we all need that!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    Like

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