To be..parents

Today we got an email from the adoption worker for the child we met last month. They want us to have an all day date in January 13 in the child’s home community. Then a visit in our community after that. After those day visits they want to move to overnights.

Sounds great, right? Well, it would be if things seemed more organized. I have reservations about having overnight visits with a child that we are not officially matched with. We should have some information about the history before we all get attached, right? It feels like the child’s agency is moving past the administrative stuff and treating us like we are a sure thing. I have asked for clarity and what the steps forward will be. I have no reason to think we won’t be a match for adoptive placement but want all the cards on the table. 

I hope we get some clarity next week and that we have a great visit. 

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Self reflection

Last year I focused on realizing myself. I worked through the 52 Lists Project and became aware of some of my hopes and dreams through that process. It also helped me set and achieve goals. 
For 2018 I am using on the Desire Map Planner by Danielle LaPorte. I am new to be tribe but she’d been doing motivation work for a few years now. My daily planner arrived yesterday and I’m so excited for it!

Each page is a new day to be planned out according to my “core desired feelings.” The idea is to get in touch with who you really want to be and make it happen through daily intentions. Literally thinking through the way you want to feel or where you want to find happiness can bring an awareness that you were missing. 

I know this may sound like weird hoo-do stuff but it’s enlightening for me and helps me on my journey to being a better person. 

What are you doing to be your best self?

Ok I think we are getting closer!!

Last Sunday we finally met a kid we have been interested in since October-ish. Her worker found us on the national registry and reached out to see if we were interested in this kid. The kids parental rights were terminated over a year ago and the kid is in a safe foster home but they aren’t interested in adoption. So here they were.

We went bowling with the kid and the adoption recruiter. It was a really great time after we all relaxed. We had a hard time breaking the ice until we started to talk about our dogs. Dogs are a great ice breaker! Things went great from them on. The kid asked us about “if I come to live with you..”  but nothing that was too weird. We all agreed to hang out again in January. If this next meeting goes well, we will consider it a match I think. Due to some interstate compact requirements it will be a long time until the kid moves in with us, likely the end of the school year in June. If we are a match, we will get to visit regularly as we work on trust and bonding. I like this kid and can definitely see the addition to our family. 

Fingers crossed that 2018 is the year of family for so many of us! 

Random things

I’m sitting in a salon chair waiting for my hair to be purple and blue highlighted. I’m excited to add some fun to my appearance and hopefully my office doesn’t freak out. It’s highlights underneath so it shouldn’t be too bad.

The other day at the bank while opening an account with my mom, she tells the banker I can’t have kids. I was mortified! The banker had asked what big life events are happening and I mentioned we are trying to foster/adopt. The banker goes on to talk about her own infertile sister and how she wishes she could have kids. My mom says, and points at me, “that’s her, she can’t either.” Omg!! I said “thanks mom” as tried to push it away. I don’t generally discuss my family planning situation within 15 minutes of meeting someone. I’m not embarrassed of my fertility issues but I don’t want it publicized either. 

My mom was smoking on our enclosed back porch recently and that’s a huge no no. We can’t stand smoke and we have to be entirely smoke free for foster kids. I did not let the moment pass and told her how this affects us. Hopefully she doesn’t try that trick again!

Tomorrow we fly out to Florida for a week with family and friends. I’m really looking forward to it. I started seeing a therapist a few weeks ago and working through childhood stuff ain’t easy. Now I get to see my dad who caused a lot of my childhood stress and dysfunction. I’m trying to prepare for whatever feelings arise without being afraid of them. Feelings are often scary for me. 

Still no kids in the home but we are so close to matching with two different kids/siblings. I’m getting impatient but it’s worth the wait.

Day trip in NYC

Yesterday we took a trip to New York. One of our friends in Ottawa came down for the weekend so we went to meet her. We had arranged in advance to go to the United Nations Headquarters because we love stuff like that. Plus, they have a post office with their own unique stamps and postmark. We couldn’t resist! I sent so much mail, lol.

The UN was great and a real learning experience. The guide was very informative and the rooms range from very nice to places I wouldn’t want to sit for hours during a meeting. The art and gifts from various countries was really cool to see. 


 


After the tour we went to Patsy’s Pizza for lunch because who doesn’t love a delicious bit of pizza?

We initially had planned to go to Roosevelt Island but we were running kind of late and it would be pointless to go there at that time. So we went to the library and poked around their recent acquisitions and the gift shop. Definitely a fun way to spend the afternoon. 

After that adventure we went for cookies and coffee before catching our train home. 

It was a nice day away. I’ve been really swamped with work and home adjustments since my mom arrived. Some times it’s really nice to be somewhere different, even for a short while. 

More life changes

My mom is moving in with us. C is driving down to Alabama to pick her up this weekend. She finally left a really unhealthy relationship and has been with my sister for a week. My sis can’t afford to support my mom while she gets her life back. My sister also is a stress-inducing person sometimes and my mom doesn’t do well in constant drama, I mean that’s why she’s leaving her relationship. So rather than stay on my sister’s couch we are gaining a roommate. We are completely ok with this new arrangement. 

It means come tricky work regarding our license as foster parents. Mom will have to get added to the home study and do clearances. Who knows how that will set us back. But at least my mom will be safe and able to be her true self. These past few years with this guy have really changed her and left her really depressed and lacking independence. Her health isn’t good either so we’ll be helping to get her medications and in regular care again. I hope this time next year she’ll feel a little stronger and in control of herself. We’re on it for the long haul so whatever happens, she’s got us. 

Here’s to wherever the road leads

Progress

I’ve been in Weight Watchers for 9 weeks. Today I hit my 20lbs down!! This hasn’t been a cake walk but also hasn’t been overwhelmingly hard. I do a very little bit of exercise. I eat really good and splurge on fast food or fancy coffee drinks once every so often. I don’t feel deprived or miserable. I’m starting to see the changes. My pants now need a tighter belt, some of my shirts are a bit baggy. I feel good, too. Just this week other people started noticing my change so that was nice. If I keep up this rate I’ll be down 50lbs by the end of the year! I can’t let myself get off track during the holidays or our vacation in November. I’ve struggled with weight for as long as I can remember and I’m pumped to be making this effort for myself.

Plus, yummy food! I’m getting healthy recipes from Skinny Taste.com and Hungry-girl.com. Both provide decent portions and all the good things you need to stay on WW plan. 

Here’s to much more success!

The matching process

So here we are working our way through the matching process. We’ve inquired about a few kids and siblings over the past 6 weeks and we finally struck some interest last week! Our worker contacted us when she received the full profile on a sibling set we are interested in. We feel like we could be good parents to these kids, ages 6 and 8. 

Today we were able to review their profile and are even more interested. Unfortunately so are “many” other families, including another family that our worker is pitching to the kids team. Yikes!! We were feeling good about matching with them until we found out about the stiff competition. Due to the amount of interest, the child worker is screening everyone by phone. That will happen this week sometime. If we pass the phone call screen, we will have an in person interview with the clinical team in October. The team is aiming for the kids to move in with their pre-adoptive parents over the Christmas school break. That’s so soon! 

Please send all the good vibes that these kids find the right parents (and hopefully that’ll be us) for their unique needs. 

Psychic reading

Do you believe in psychics and their ability to connect with your deceased loved ones or tell you the future? I hope so. I’m kind of a believer.
Yesterday C and I attended a house party where a psychic was present. She was ok. There were a few random things that were very incorrect in relation to my deceased loved ones but I didn’t correct her. She did hit on that there was an older man that I was very close to. That’s my grandfather and I’m named after him. He was Bill and I’m the feminine version, without the e at the end. She kept calling him William though which I found annoying. But she was right on about his illness and called him my spirit protector. She also said he wanted my dad to watch his sugar. My dad is a diabetic and had a heart attack last week. His diabetes is a hindrance to the healing he needs to be doing. Wow!

She then picked up an older woman, Helen, who is my mother’s aunt. I didn’t explain the relationship but she thought Helen was Bill’s sister and went on about the German descent there. Helen’s parents were Native American, definitely not German. So this line of chat was not handful.

She said that I’ll be parenting an older boy and younger girl. I didn’t ask her about kids, only about work and my parents. She professed that I have nothing to fear, she could sense my hesitation in parenting. She also mentioned that we might need a larger house. I surely hope not because I love my house! 

Then we talked about work. She said she saw something legal in the future and asked if I was going to law school. I said no but that I’m considering another degree. I do work in a law firm, though. She also said I’d be at my current position for a long time. And that I’ll be furthering my education and I’ll publish something. We’ll see how that shakes out.

She was a card reader and pegged me as an Earth sign with many water qualities. Maybe it’s because I love water? I dunno. She said C and I have a good marriage but someone (a man) from my past with a name starting with M will come to me for closure. I laugh because I’ve never been in a relationship with a man until C! Bahaha. I have an ex girlfriend that I’m best friends with and her name begins with M. I doubt there is any need for closure there. 

In all I’d rate this psychic 50/50. You win some and you lose some.