Everyone is making babies

We are on vacation in Minnesota. This is the land of my people. I have a large friend group here that I’m very attached to. We are here for 2 weddings. One was last Saturday and one is this coming Saturday. In the interim we are hanging out with people and catching up. We haven’t been back in 4 years so there is so much to catch up on.

Mainly, all of the lesbians in my circle are married or engaged..and the majority are pregnant or trying to conceive. This means many conversations about trying to get pregnant and why we don’t have kids. We haven’t discussed our decision to not try for kids in a while but it’s coming up daily this week. I can’t tell if it’s getting better or worse the more I talk about it. It makes me feel weird when others are so excited for babies and I’m saying “we are happy without them.” Nothing makes you rethink a good decision like other people staring at you like you’re crazy. 

My ex-wife and her new wife are expecting a child. That came as a very strange blow to me. I want her to be happy and have all the good things in life but I feel like I’m competing with her for life goals. Lol. It’s all mental drama on my end, I know. I think I wouldn’t feel upset by it if she was able to be an adult every time she sees me, instead of being awkward and making mean faces.How do we go from BFFs to enemies because I moved away? I’ll understand how that friendship died. Oh well.

Only 3 full days left to get in all the sights and joys of the Twin Cities. I can’t wait to see other friends in the coming days and attend my dear friends wedding on Saturday. 

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Seeing the future

The phlebotomist at the Labcorp center told me “you’re going to be a great mom. I can see it in you, you have the soul for it.” All of this as she held my hand and stared into my eyes. I thought I was just giving blood, not having my fortune read.
I have no idea what to make of it.

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House Warming

We had a house warming/anniversary party yesterday. I think we ended up with about 30+ people who came by to check it out and celebrate with us.

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Our dining room got many compliments. The color is really wonderful, we love it. We’ll be adding more art to the walls even though my mother-in-law basically said I can’t.

We received several gift cards for home stores and some lovely gifts.

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In the end, we realized we have such an eclectic group of people in our life and they are all wonderful. Someone commented to me afterward that we have “interesting” friends and the conversations were unique. Oh, to be a fly on the wall in my house!

I have an annoying neighbor already. I think she caught on to the queerness of several other guests and then she hightailed it out of here. She is a very strange bird.

I had 2 people ask me about our baby plans..I think this is because there is no dedicated space for a baby and they were curious. So we told them about our plans for no kids. I was told that I handle it very well (talking about our decision) and I’m not sure how that is to be taken. One thing is clear, wrangling ten kids is tough. I couldn’t handle the loudness, the bickering, and throwing of  things. Parents tried to keep them in the proper areas with toys, not slamming doors, or chasing my dogs. I don’t know how parents do it and, in those moments, I’m glad not to ever have to deal with it full time.

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Happy puppies are a great way to end any post!

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baby fever has broken

In packing for the move in ten days I cleared out all of the maybe-baby items. I’m not storing it, I donated it all to the community donation pile in the apartment. I don’t need books by Mayo about healthy pregnancy or Bringing Up Baby. I don’t need the kind little “good luck” gifts that people gave us over the years. I shredded or threw out all of the IVF material from our fertility clinic.

The other day C and I read a friend’s blog where she wrote about when people ask her about living “child-free.” One thing that stands out is her feeling that if they had kids it would have been ok but they never got pregnant and that’s ok too. Side note: These people are heterosexual and have never actively tried to get pregnant or used birth control. It just hasn’t happened. They are happy! We are happy!

I think it’s okay, finally. I wanted it and we were going to try ivf but I don’t want any more medical crap. I say that all the time because something is always wrong with me! I’ve subtly come to stop daydreaming and hoping for a miracle baby. We are happy and lucky to have such a good life. I’m paying more attention to the blessings in my life and less to the “What could have been.”

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